Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
