I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We have so much sex to catch up on
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize