Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
