A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
