it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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