return my video game
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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