Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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