I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
