I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
