I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
