I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
