The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
