I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my being single is dangerous.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
