I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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