I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Terrible idea I love it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
