I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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