Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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