...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
