So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
