What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
