Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
