i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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