You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
