Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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