I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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