You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
