While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
