Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
