Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
