so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize