if you like me you must not know who I am
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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