I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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