DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
