Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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