my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
