Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
