My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
