Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
