Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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