Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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