My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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