dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I touched a dick in church today
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize