hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
