omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
