there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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