just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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