i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
