Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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