i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
