Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
