omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
barbara walters just said penis...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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