Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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