Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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