i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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