it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize