Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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