i wish my penis had a tongue
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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