Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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