omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my liver is dry heaving
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
