I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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