yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
