he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
