My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
3pm strippers are depressing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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