I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
