dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
operation have a gay friend backfired
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
