Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
