I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
