I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
