I got her a Nickelback box set.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
